


Descending Kilograms

by Lexis2395



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Broken Promises, Eating Disorders, Sad Ending, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 04:59:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17196968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexis2395/pseuds/Lexis2395
Summary: The diary of a girl wasting away.With every descending kilogram





	Descending Kilograms

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! I love writing angst, I'm a little addicted to be honest. Anyway, to the story.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING : Contains, Body Dysmorphia and Anorexia Nervosa. If these topics make you uncomfortable, please to not read this.

**108 Kilograms - 238 lbs.**

**175 Centimeters - 5'9**

It March.

Spring break has just ended.

The summer bodies have come out to play.

I notice your stares.

They're not on me.

Skinny waists, and slim thighs, harboring a space between them.

Bony fingers and tiny wrists.

Defined collarbones.

Sharp cheeks and a jawline to cut.

I notice your stares.

Will your eyes come back to me if I look the same?

I have to find out.

**104 Kilograms - 229 lbs.**

All I think about is you. And them.

Those girls.

I'll fix myself.

I'm working on it.

Just wait for me please.

Just a little time, that's all I need.

**99 Kilograms - 218 lbs.**

Under 100 kg now.

I'm getting there.

_Calories. Carbs. Fats._

I count them as if my life depends on it.

Because it does. My life with you at least.

It's all I think about.

"You're not hungry. You're just stressed"

"Skip dinner. Wake up thinner."

"What you eat in private, you wear in public"

I chant these in my head.

The days are long, but so is my journey to becoming perfect for you.

**94 Kilograms - 207 lbs.**

You look at me a little more now.

I know you've noticed.

You're happy.

That's all i ask.

Keep looking at me.

And only _me_.

**98 Kilograms - 216 lbs.**

I guess it's about time I fucked up.

What trash.

 **Worthless. Garbage. Useless.** _**Fucking Die.** _

The insults don't stop.

And neither do your wandering eyes.

Don't look at me.

Not yet.

I'll be ready for you soon.

**90 Kilograms - 198 lbs.**

I'm _tired_. I'm _worn_.

But i'm in love.

You're not.

That's okay though, go have fun with them.

But come back to me.

When my body is done.

Perfectly sculpted for you.

**85 Kilograms - 187 lbs.**

I'm _dizzy_. I'm _weak_.

But it's all for you.

**76 Kilograms - 167 lbs.**

I see you with her.

I'm breaking down.

What is she?

157 cm? (5'2)

47 kg? (103 lbs) 44 kg? (97 lbs)

I can do better.

I can be smaller.

Is my time running out?

I'll hurry.

I'll cut the small snack that keep me standing.

And the energy drinks that keep me moving.

 _Just a little longer._ _**Please.** _

**68 Kilograms - 149 lbs.**

I was told I'm at a healthy weight now.

For someone my height at least.

Tall people are supposed to weigh this much.

I'm not trying to be _healthy_.

I'm trying to be _perfect._

**59 Kilograms - 130 lbs.**

Your gaze has come back now.

But it's not the same.

It's sad. Full of _pity_.

I don't understand.

This is what you've wanted.

I'm not done yet.

Just watch me.

**51 Kilograms - 112 lbs.**

I have to catch my breath now.

With ever step I take.

Dizziness comes as a second nature to me now.

I've mastered the art of being "Fine".

I'm almost there.

I'll be smaller than her.

**42 Kilograms - 92 lbs.**

Come back to me now.

Please.

I'm done now.

Unless you want me to keep going.

Look at me. My body is done now.

I've sculpted and cultivated it, just for you.

Where are you?

Is this not enough?

I can keep going. I promise.

**40 Kilograms - 88 lbs.**

Where am I?

Oh. Yeah.

My body collapsed, and gave up finally.

I didn't tell it to, but it wouldn't listen.

I guess everything has its limits.

Why did I have to reach mine?

I look out the window.

I realize.

You've been gone for awhile now.

When did you say goodbye?

Did I not hear you?

No. Not over her.

"Stop eating! You fat PIG!"

"Don't stop, not now, the smaller you are, the more he will want you!"

Okay Ana. I won't stop.

But my body has.

I am broken now.

Because of these _Descending Kilograms._

.

.

I close my eyes and I let go. Ana you've won.


End file.
